Updated: Aug 22, 2019
The Most Important Space You Can Give: Your Lover, Your Friends, Your Employees, Yourself.
There is a sense of pressure that exists today. It’s at every corner. We feel it when we wake up, when we go into the office, when we meet our friends, when we sit down with our loved ones, when we look in the mirror. We feel it so often that universities, corporations and individuals alike are spending billions of dollars to try to alleviate the pressure.
The pressure has many names: fear, anxiety, doubt, overwhelm, stress (what achievers call fear), a simmering panic. It shows up and is expressed in problems like “My relationship isn’t working, my health isn’t where it needs to be, I am not fulfilled at my job.”
What is fascinating about these problems, is if you pull back all the surface layers, and look at the problem not the symptoms, the problem is nearly always that people feel like they are not enough, and because they themselves are not enough, they can not be their most authentic selves for fear of rejection and pain.
It’s the person who is afraid to speak up to the group even though they have a great idea, it’s not starting the business you’ve dreamed of for years, it’s not creating a relationship that empowers you and continuing relationships where you are treated terribly, it’s the mask you put on day in and day out that you are afraid to take off knowing the world will “find you out” for what you really are.
When you pull back the layers of the problem even further, you find the reason people so rarely step into the space of their highest self, is that so rarely is the space given to people. The only thing we are worse at than giving this space to others, is giving it to our selves.
This is the crux of it all.
If we cannot give this space to ourselves, to be who we really are, even in the sanctity of our own mind, then how are we supposed to give it to others?
This has to change. We are craving for it to change.
This past weekend I spent time in a men’s group focused around creating a positive environment to meet all aspects of life. I was brought by a dear friend who has always shown me and those he comes into contact with the space to honor their highest self. People like him are a gift to have in your life.
Once in this group as I spoke with a mentor, I was asked a question that altered my world: “If all the layers of self-doubt were pulled back, what would be the part of your most authentic self you would bring to the world?”
What a question to ponder...
What struck me as equally profound as the question, was the space that this man created with his presence and calm to truly answer the question. The answer I found in this presence and calm was profound.
He, the friend who brought me to the group, and the group as a whole all exceeded at creating this space through their own unique energies, gifts and perspectives. Collective authenticity in this type of space is one of the most energizing and uplifting environments you will ever find.
This space is sacred, and its rare. It is the space that supports you, a space that truly wants the best for you without any motives. It is the space that allows you to step into your most authentic self, knowing that whoever or whatever is in that space will meet you where you are and support you.
It is the rooted calm, presence and strength of a shade bearing tree, a space where you can feel safe to truly create something meaningful.
It a space where not only the mask we put on our life is welcome, but rather here exist the highest highs, and the lowest lows. All parts are welcome here, this is where the meaning lives.
It is the same space I feel with my partner Joanna, and what I am on a mission to create for my coaching clients and personal ecosystem.
It is the same space that is created by our favorite managers, partners, lovers, and friends. We seek out this space in our physical environment in mountains, oceans, and other forms of nature.
This space, if given to yourself, is transformational. Create from this space and there is no limit to the yield. This space given to another; the most empowering gift you can give. Co-create from this space and potential is amplified exponentially.
The space to truly acknowledge, step into and celebrate one’s highest self is the most powerful space you can give your lover, your friends, your employees, and most importantly yourself. If you don’t give it to yourself you will live out your life anxious, always questioning what you could have been. If you do not give it to those around you who are most important, they will resent you and will flee to another at the first chance to receive it.
To start this space for yourself ask again the question If all the layers of self-doubt were pulled back, what would be the part of your most authentic self you would want to bring to the world?
Create your life from this space.
To give this space to others ask How can I help pull back all the layers of self-doubt and give this person space to step into their most authentic self, what they want to bring to the world, not what I want them to bring to the world.
Co-create from this space.
This space is one that we so desperately need in the path not only in the path to self-actualization, but in our day to day interactions and endeavors.
It is a space I am striving to hold, and I thank all those who create and co-create this space in our world.
If the idea of this space feels foreign, take a visit, I think you’ll like what you find.